he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
