i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
