Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
