I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize