I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
