Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
