there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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