Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
