Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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