i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Enjoy the penises
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
