i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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