Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
