you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
