I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
