Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize