yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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