for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it's great music for shaving your balls
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize