Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Less talking, more tequila
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
