Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
we should paint friendship bongs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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