my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
