it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
