I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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