Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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