I'm gonna have a badass scar
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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