Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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