yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
