There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize