Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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