Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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