rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
