"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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