Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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