What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
