Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
