Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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