I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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