no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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