Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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