I think my vagina is haunted
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
