I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
