So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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