the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
