I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize