Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
