Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
