Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
why is half of my head shaved?
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