I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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