I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
