Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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