I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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