i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
