dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
