I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
