I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
