i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
