I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
