Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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