I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
