you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
