dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
