How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize